Scene Report 4 - Tabasco

Quite a while back Tori had threatened to put Tabasco on my penis. We were both a little surprised at my reaction to that threat; I strained against my bonds and whimpered "no please no" and so on. I was genuinely afraid of what would happen. That time Tori showed mercy, but I believe she was quite excited by my reactions. It's the first time she's found anything that I was really afraid of.

Since then she's threatened me a few times with this. Well, this time she did it.

The evening started off pretty quiet. Tori was taking part in a D&D campaign, which was being held in her dining room. I was upstairs in her bedroom, chained to the bed, hooded and gagged. Tori would come in occaisionally to check I was OK. At one point I asked her to remove the gag because I was having minor breathing problems (possibly due to the cat allergy causing my nose to block up). I could have removed it myself, but wouldn't, naturally. On a later check in I needed to be released to go to the toilet, and I was ordered to do what was needed and then remain in her room, waiting for her.

I thought I'd surprise her, so I cuffed my legs together and chained them to the foot of her bed with a leg iron chain, and chained my collar to the top, so I was stretched out across the bed unable to bend down to undo the ankle cuffs; I was captive until she came up again. After the game was over she found me like this, and after a little torment she cuffed my wrists to the top of the bed and tormented me.

Eventually the threat of Tabasco came up again, she fetched it and started to toy with me. Somehow I knew it was going to happen this time. Or maybe I really wanted it to, to get the torment over with. Dunno. However, I had said in the past that if she did this then I would prefer to be free to move... but I was stretched out and helpless. I started to cry. I started to struggle. I didn't want this! Not like this.

I was getting into a headspace which I'd only dreamed about. I did not want this. I wanted Tori to know I didn't want this. Yet I wanted her to do it to me anyway. Do something to me I really didn't want, but she wanted. I wanted her to use me and abuse me and take pleasure from my suffering. I don't know what I was afraid of; the pain or the irrevocable nature of the Tabasco; once applied I was stuck with it until it wore off. Dunno. But I was really afraid. My tears were real. I didn't want it! I did want it. Just go ahead and do it! Put me out of this unknowing!

Tori almost stopped there. She could tell she was reaching a limit. No, don't stop! Just do it! I had to tell her it was OK. I didn't want her to feel bad, to stop. For a brief moment I marshalled myself and managed to say coherently and calmly (I think!) "I know my safeword, Mistress." It's all I could think of to let her know that despite my tears and fear and distress that I was still OK. Before I slipped back again she replied "I know you know it". She appeared to think for a while and then must have decided to continue. At that my tears came again. What had I done?

I remember some point about her telling me that I could beg her to not do it and me struggling and whimpering. She took my silence as being too proud to beg, but it wasn't. I simply couldn't. I don't know how to beg with my voice. My actions, my whimpering, my struggling... this was my begging. It's not pride that stops me begging.

Eventually the moment came; I froze, dreading it. Slowly, extremely carefully, Tori ensured one single drop of Tabasco dripped from the bottle and onto the exposed head of my penis. Then she leant back and watched. Initially there was nothing, until slowly a pain started. It wasn't much, but it was enough to release a fresh batch of tears. I wanted to curl up, but I was stretched. I pulled hard with my legs and managed to force open the ratchet on the leg irons. I'd only closed it one notch and I guess I'd managed enough force to pull it batch against the ratchet. One leg was free and I pulled it up close. Tori freed the other leg and I curled into a ball. Still chained and hands cuffed above me head, I lie there rocking slowly and cried and cried.

Thinking back on it, I cried much harder and more than the pain indicated. I could have held back the tears. The pain wasn't that intensive. Sure it hurt, it hurt a lot, but in other frames of mind I could have withstood more. I cried for release. I cried in thanks. I cried because now I knew Tori could and would do something to me I feared tremendously. At the time I didn't really know why I was crying, I just cried heavily and deeply. Tori was hugging me and saying things, but I didn't hear the words; in my misery I just felt her love and support.

Eventually the pain receeded. Whether it was endorphins kicking in or simply nerve overload, dunno. I could still feel the pain, but it wasn't so sharp. I straightened out and looked up at Tori and repeated over and over "Thank you... thank you". I'm not sure what I was thanking her for at the time, but these were the words that came to my mouth. I didn't want Tori to feel in any way bad about what she had done to me. It was the most important thing to me at that point to let her know that I was safe and grateful and undamaged. "Thank you" was all I could think of.

Tori has threatened more in the future; that was just a single drop. But I don't know if I'll fear it again. With Tori's love and support I faced and survived the unknown. I'm glad we went there. It was hard work and tiring and the path difficult to follow, but... oh so very much worthwhile.

Is it something I want to do again? No, not really. Is it something I'd dread and fear again? I doubt it. It will never be a favourite in my toy bag, but it's no longer a fear.