The Fear Of Coming Out

This is the poem I meant to write first time. Another one that makes me cry at the end. It relates both how I'm scared of how people will look at me when the learn about this (in particular, my parents) and also briefly skims over my childhood. The last line is sheer naked openness.

The Fear Of Coming Out
======================

     I have a deep secret,
     Dark, shameful, personal.
     I need to tell you about it,
     But fear you won't understand.

     You may look at me funny,
     Disown me, deny friendship.
     You may run into the night,
     Afraid of what I tell you.

     I don't want to lose you,
     My friend, my companion.
     But this secret of mine controls me,
     And I must show it the light.

     My life has been shadowed
     By dreams and desires
     Of tortures exquisite,
     Of pain and suffering.

     In darkness I've played
     Alone in my bed.
     Fantasies of bound frustration
     Increasing my pleasure.

     Everyday objects were part of my toys;
     Tape, padlocks, bag straps, plastic
     All put to alternate use to tease me,
     To please me.

     Cowering upstairs, tied to the headboard,
     Unable to face my own desires,
     Helpless to deny them,
     Fearing discovery by family.

     Long vacations by parents a blessing,
     All alone in the house.
     Keys frozen in ice denying release from my bonds
     Without worry of censure.

     As I grew, my urges increased;
     Chained overnight insufficient.
     Leaving home, freeing myself to experiment with
     Handcuffs, gags, harder toys.

     Please understand I have not changed;
     I'm still the same.
     The person you've known is still here before you
     Scared of your response.

     I've bared my soul to you;
     Risked everything today.
     My demons and darkness exposed to your criticism.
     Are we still friends?