Path: nwrddc02.gnilink.net!cyclone2.gnilink.net!cyclone1.gnilink.net!spamkiller.gnilink.net!gnilink.net!nwrddc02.gnilink.net.POSTED!5b729141!not-for-mail Message-ID: From: -^-^spectrum-^^- Newsgroups: soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm Subject: The soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ list (Part 3 of 6) Date: Sun, 04 Jan 2009 19:45:25 GMT Lines: 622 Organization: Just the FAQs, Ma'am Summary: This contains a list of frequently asked questions in the soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm newsgroup, with non-judgmental, frank, sometimes sexually explicit answers. Read sections that interest you; avoid the sections that do not. Last-modified: 1 January 2002 User-Agent: tin/1.6.2-20030910 ("Pabbay") (UNIX) (Linux/2.4.20-18.7 (i686)) NNTP-Posting-Host: 206.46.31.146 X-Complaints-To: abuse@verizon.net X-Trace: nwrddc02.gnilink.net 1231098325 206.46.31.146 (Sun, 04 Jan 2009 14:45:25 EST) NNTP-Posting-Date: Sun, 04 Jan 2009 14:45:25 EST X-Received-Date: Sun, 04 Jan 2009 14:45:25 EST (nwrddc02.gnilink.net) Xref: backup.spuddy.org soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm:221275 The soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm FAQ List Where the kinky knowledge resides! Part 3 of 7 This list is posted semi-monthly, on or around the 1st and 15th. Please send additions, suggestions, etc. to johnson_grey@unrealities.com If this posting appears truncated or damaged, contact me, also. The World Wide Web version of this FAQ (which is the prime copy) is at: http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/faq.htm Please make links to that page, rather than posting separate Web copies of the text of this FAQ. This FAQ list is copyrighted. The full copyright notice appears at the end of each part of the list; please respect it. *The FAQs Themselves* PART 1: 1. What do B&D, S&M, D&S, "top", "bottom" mean? 2. What is a "scene", and what is "negotiation"? 3. What is a "safeword"? 4. When is pain not pain? 5. What are some basics of safe SM, emotionally and physically? PART 2: 6. Is everyone either a top or a bottom? What's a "switch"? 7. How can I learn to be a good top? 8. How can I learn to be a good bottom? 9. Is BDSM sexual? 10. Why is bondage fun? 11. Why is whipping fun? PART 3: 12. What is body piercing? What is "C&B" play, or "genitorture"? 13. What is cutting/play piercing/burning/branding/electrical play? What are "bloodsports"? 14. What is it about breath control? Is it safe to make someone pass out? 15. What are "golden showers"? How about "scat"? 16. Is anal sex safe? Why do people do it? 17. What is "fisting"? PART 4: 18. Does the way I play qualify as "real" SM? What is "real" SM, anyway? 19. What is it about leather/latex/high heels/corsets/other fetishes? 20. What about shaving body hair and/or crossdressing? 21. Why am I defending SM? 22. Is SM degrading or abusive? Were most SM people abused? PART 5: 23. Why is SM taboo, and is SM criminal, unnatural, immoral, unethical, or unhealthy? 24. Isn't the bottom always in control? 25. Can someone _really_ be someone else's slave? 26. What are the "codes"? 27. My fantasies scare me. What if I get too into SM? PART 6: 28. I want to throw a play party; how do I go about it? 29. I want to attend a play party; what is the etiquette? 30. What's the deal with this anonymity stuff? 31. Are SM people being politically and socially harassed? 32. What topics are or aren't acceptable on s.s.b-b? (including, what's s.s.b-b's charter?) 33. I'm sick of certain topics on s.s.b-b. How can I avoid them? Also, what's with all these ads? 34. OK, so I can't post ads to s.s.b-b. Where CAN I post them? 35. I don't have access to soc.subculture.bondage-bdsm; what can I do to get information about the scene? ======================================================================= *12. What is body piercing? What is "C&B" play, or "genitorture"?* Piercings aren't just done to ears. People on this list have their nipples, navels, eyebrows, clitoris hoods, penises, labia, and other body parts pierced, and bits of metal permanently in the piercings. These are the bare facts, but this practice, it turns out, has a lot to do with SM. Getting a piercing, first of all, is an incredibly intense rush, on a purely physical level. It's a very powerful thing to willingly have someone push a sharp piece of metal through your body. It can be a level of sensation beyond any you've experienced in your life. Once you have the piercing, it can completely change the way that part of the body feels to you. One friend of mine said that his nipple piercings turned his nipples from little places that felt OK to full-fledged erotic zones connected right to his cock. He calls his nipple piercings the best thing he's ever done for his body and his sex life, and he seems damn sincere! The same goes for all the piercings in the genital area; they can really make sex more fun. There is some medical evidence that nerves around the pierced location become much more sensitive, so this isn't mere folklore. In case it wasn't clear, once a piercing heals, it doesn't hurt at all; quite the opposite! Some people get into play piercings, which are done temporarily with very thin needles, which are removed at the end of the scene. This is basically another kind of sensory trip, which some find very enjoyable. The needles don't _hurt_, exactly, but you certainly do know they're in there, and they sure do get those endorphins pumping! You don't want to try permanent piercings unless you've been personally trained by a professional; there is a lot of knowledge involved, and you definitely don't want to get stuck with a bad piercing. Play piercings are less hardcore, but you still want to make sure you know sterile technique (remember safe sex!). Does nipple piercing cause problems with nursing? Sometimes yes, sometimes no; there are stories both ways. There are many milk ducts in an average nipple, so the chances are good that nursing can still happen, but nothing is certain. For more information about piercings, see rec.arts.bodyart (or possibly later editions of this FAQ). "C&B play" stands for cock & ball play. "Genitorture" stands for "genital torture". This is a subject that makes some men clutch their nuts and run in fear, and makes other men instantly erect and greedy for more. The male genitals are at once the most vulnerable and most sensitive part of the male body, so of course many tops enjoy playing with them. Cockrings are rings that go around your cock, typically around the base of it, behind the balls. The penis becomes erect when the blood vessels at its base constrict (because of arousal), trapping blood in the cock and causing it to swell. Cock rings have a similar effect, prolonging erection in most men that use them. (They also constrict the urethra, which will make any orgasm more painful, or even cause ejaculate to back up into the bladder. This is not dangerous unless done repeatedly. Experiment to find out how much tightness is too much.) Most are made of leather, with adjustable snaps, so you can tighten or loosen them to fit (as well as remove them easily). Some are made of rubber. Some are even made of metal, but metal ones can be hazardous; if you put a too-small one on your non-erect cock, your cock may become so erect that you can no longer remove it--and if it is too tight, it will prevent your cock from softening. This may involve a trip to the emergency room and the use of bolt cutters. No joke. Some cock rings have multiple rings, for behind the balls, around the balls themselves, and around the base of the shaft. Some people like using _lots_ of cock rings, to stretch the balls out away from the body. Safety tips: The broadest guideline is to go slowly until you know how much you can take. If the pain from a particular activity starts to spread into other areas of the body, or if the pain lasts for a long time after the stimulation ends, you have probably gone beyond your limits. You won't reach this point generally if you take your time. As with any SM practice, if you find yourself in pain later, or if you notice any abnormalities in your cock or balls when flaccid or erect, see a doctor. Of course, avoid any practice that seriously wrenches or twists the genitals; there are many ligaments and blood vessels in there, damage to which may make it hard for you to get hard. But the cock and balls can handle light whipping or slapping, provided it is done with care. Of course, cock and ball bondage can be done with leather strips, ribbons, velvet cords, etc. Be as ornamental as you please; tying up an erect cock can create a luscious work of art, and teasing it can be even more artistic. Don't expect C&B bondage to keep a cock hard indefinitely; cocks will usually get soft if not stimulated, and bondage which _will_ keep it hard may be dangerously tight. In any event, be sure you can remove your bondage quickly, as always. A great deal can also be done with female genitalia. Some women love having clothespins on their pussy lips; some love light whipping on their outer labia, or even their clitoris. Sometimes body piercings can be used for bondage; labia piercings can hold a pussy open very delightfully, or clit hood piercings can be tied up out of the way with thread, leaving the clit naked and exposed. Some women like soft fur on their pussy; others like to be alternately soothed and tormented until they can stand no more. Again, go slowly. Do NOT blow into the vagina, whatever else you do. Don't leave clamps on very long until you know how much your partner enjoys (and how it will feel to her the next day when the scene is over). Too much of one kind of sensation can become irritating quickly; change the stimulation, keep your bottom aroused and surprised. There are all _sorts_ of things that can be used on female genitals; one article I have lists "bamboo skewers, candles, cheese graters, clips, flyswatter, ice cubes, knives, latex squares, leather thongs, massage bongers, rabbit fur, ropes, scalp scrubber, silk, spoons, towels, weights, and whips" as items that can be useful in giving your bottom's genitals a ride they won't forget. (And no, you don't do this until you cause real damage, any more than you do with male genitals. Don't be scraping, scabbing, or scarring--these are the most sensitive parts of the body you're playing with!) Communication is paramount in female genital play; women's pussies vary as much as any other part of women's bodies (or more), and responses will vary equally dramatically. In general, the same sort of rhythm discussed in the whipping section is useful in cunt play, though if anything the top needs to go even more slowly, as the sensations will be more intense and focused than in almost any other kind of sensation scene. One final tidbit: apparently, for many women, a common pre-orgasmic response is for the clit to retreat into its hood. If you are giving your partner some very delicious sensation (possibly combined with some just-right pain) and her clit disappears, DON'T STOP! (Unless you _want_ to avoid her orgasm... don't push this too far, unless your bottom's feet are tied down--she may kick.) And know your limits; if your bottom really wants an orgasm to end the scene, giving her one may make her EXTREMELY grateful to you, and waiting _too_ long may burn you both out. This is good stuff to negotiate about beforehand in any scene--how would you like the scene to end? Breaking such an agreement will engender mistrust, but honesty, as always, will help everyone get what they want. Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 10 August 1995 ======================================================================= *13. What is cutting/play piercing/burning/branding/electrical play? What are "bloodsports"?* First questions first. Cutting is the SM practice of using a scalpel or other fine blade to make shallow cuts in the top layer of your partner's skin. Play piercing is using very fine needles to pierce your partner temporarily, removing the needles at scene's end. Burning is using high temperatures somehow in an SM scene; note that the goal here is to play with heat, not to actually burn your partner, since burns are not friendly injuries to heal. Branding is, well, branding--using small, shaped, highly heated pieces of metal to burn small scars into a partner's skin. Electrical play is playing with electricity. And finally, "bloodsports" is a generic name for any SM practice that involves blood. Obviously, all these SM practices are potentially very very dangerous, as any of these things, done wrong, could result in permanent injury. Properly done, none of these practices result in any damage that requires more than minor first aid to clean up and cope with. Also, _I cannot give enough information in this FAQ to explain how to do these practices safely._ You need to learn from an experienced top, and you need to see it done in person, before you will really know how to play this way with your partners. That said, onward we go with a feeble attempt to cover some of the groundwork. First, cutting and bloodsports. The ground rules: cleanliness and safety. Most cutters I've seen use rubbing alcohol to clean off the surface of the skin, followed by Betadine to disinfect the skin area on which they're going to cut. The top wears latex gloves to minimize contact with their partner's blood--remember, blood carries HIV, and cutting (bloodsports in general, actually) involves blood. The usual instrument for cutting is a surgical scalpel, which is sharp enough to make a smooth, clean cut; using duller blades can leave a ragged cut which doesn't heal as well. Cuts are made on areas of the body where the skin is not stretched tight; for example, the shoulder blade, or the buttock, or the front of the thigh (though this can be problematic). Cuts are NOT made anywhere that the skin becomes taut, since such places won't heal well (the cut'll keep getting pulled open). Only one layer of skin is cut--the very topmost layer. Deeper cuts don't heal well. And cuttings generally don't form loops, as the skin in the center of the loop can be cut off from its blood supply. When the cutting is complete, the whole area is generally bandaged. Are you getting the extent of the possible screwups in a cutting scene? It's definitely as edge-y as edge play gets! If you want to know more, see _The Lesbian S/M Safety Manual_ (in the resource list at the end of part 3). The best safety advice: be taught by someone who knows how to do cuttings safely. Play piercings are a milder (somewhat) form of bloodsports. Again, the bottom's skin must be cleaned, and the top must wear latex gloves. The needles used are sterile surgical needles available from medical supply stores or serious SM shops. The top pinches up a bit of skin (right around the nipples is one favored area), and slides the needle through. Each needle doesn't necessarily hurt that much, but your nerves definitely know it's there, and the endorphins start to flow _very_ quickly. After a while, the needles are removed and put into a disposable sharps container, and the bottom gets bandaids if any are needed--generally the holes are small enough that they clot immediately. Again, the best way to learn this is from someone else who knows how, personally. There are other forms of bloodsports. I've seen one scene in which a top (after cleaning their bottom's skin and donning the requisite latex gloves) used a syringe to draw some of their bottom's blood, then fed their bottom their own blood. This scene was as hardcore as bloodsports gets, yet was (as far as I could see) very safe from the standpoint of AIDS transmission. And I can only assume that that top had had some medical training--I will not even BEGIN to talk about safety considerations for drawing blood, since I have no idea what they are. Now, on to burning--actually, temperature play in general. Molten wax can be mild or intense. The higher you hold the candle, the cooler the drops will be--to a certain extent. They'll definitely make your bottom yelp no matter what! Don't use beeswax candles, though--they melt at a much higher temperature. If you like hot wax, you might like ice cubes, too.... Branding is an extreme form of temperature play. There are only a few people nationwide who do a lot of branding; Fakir Musafar, in the San Francisco area, is one. His magazine _Body Play_ has some great articles about branding techniques. Basically, short curved pieces of metal are heated with a blowtorch, then pressed into the skin so as to make an ornamental burn. I really don't know much more about the safety concerns or possible snafus, so I'll mention no more here. Don't go off half-cocked and try ANY of these practices without doing the legwork yourself to talk to experienced players. Electrical play is using electricity of one form or another to generate sensation. This is another advanced form of play which can be fatal (lethal, deadly, murderous) if done improperly. Any electrical play that involves current flowing through the body should ONLY BE DONE BELOW THE WAIST; any current above the waist or through the heart can induce immediate cardiac arrest. There are two main kinds of electrical toys I've seen. One is a TENS unit (Trans-Electric Nerve Stimulator, or something like that); these units typically are battery-powered, with control of pulse intensity and pulse frequency, and two leads that can be attached to electric cock rings, dildoes, or what have you. These can produce sensations ranging from a mild tingle to a thrilling trembling buzz to a serious jolt. Remember, below the waist only! And I wouldn't even use any such unit unless its sole power source was a 9V (or weaker) battery; no way am I letting anything plugged into a wall socket send power through my body! The other sort of toy is known as a "violet wand"; these rather resemble hand-held power tools with little glass bulbs sticking out of one end. When turned on, the bulb glows violet and crackles; touching it will cause static sparks to jump to your skin, with an associated "zap!" and a sharp shock. These do not send current through the body, and are safe for use anywhere except the eyes or major nerve clusters (i.e. the top of the spine)--though prolonged use will burn the skin. If you look at all this and go, "WHY would anyone do that?"--well, if you have to ask, you'll never understand :-) The key thing to remember here is that SM is all about intense sensation, and all these practices can certainly produce a lot of that! As always, be aware of what you're doing and why you're doing it. It's certainly possible to do all these things in an unhealthy (physically or psychologically) way; but it's also possible to do them in healthy ways, if that's your true desire. Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 18 November 1996 ======================================================================= *14. What is it about breath control? Is it safe to make someone pass out?* Some people enjoy playing with cutting off their air during heavy scenes. This can be as simple as squeezing someone's neck while you kiss them deeply, or as complex as a full-head latex hood and gas mask over a straitjacket. As your air is cut off, you can feel sensation more intensely; it is also a deeply intimate thing to allow someone else to be in control of the very air you breathe. One simple explanation is that the body's natural reaction as orgasm approaches is shallow, rapid breathing--just like in breath control. Needless to say, there are many things that can go very wrong; if you pass out and someone isn't there to cut you loose and make sure you're breathing, you can die. Not for novices. One simple way to start is to try squeezing your lover's neck gently as you make love to them. If it feels good, they will let you know, most demonstratively. And you can stop instantly just by letting go. In _any_ form of breath control, it is critical that all equipment be fail-safe, and that the bottom's breathing is only impaired by the top's _direct_ action--not by anything (noose, gas mask, etc) that would continue to obstruct air if the top (for example) fainted suddenly. Many people die each year practicing "autoerotic asphyxiation"--wherein someone will masturbate while restricting their own breathing, and one night they wait too long to take the bag off their head or release the pressure on their neck, and they black out and die. Some think, "Well, just play with a partner, then, if you want to black out." However, losing consciousness, even for a moment, _can_ trigger cardiac arrest. This is why making your bottom black out is almost certainly a much riskier idea than you would think. The same goes for anesthesia. Sometimes people think, "Hmm, it'd be hot if I could drug my play partner--like in the movies--and she'd wake up all bound!" Even if your play partner likes this idea, don't do it. There is no safe way to force someone into unconsciousness; anesthesiologists spend their lives learning how to do it, with the best equipment, and still mishaps occur. Don't play with ether, or chloroform, or suffocation to unconsciousness... unless you and your partner really want to take a substantial risk of death. More experienced people than you have died. Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 10 August 1995 ======================================================================= *15. What are "golden showers"? How about "scat"?* Another kind of play, also known as "water sports". Basically, some people enjoy urinating on their lovers, or having their lovers piss on them. Pissing is really a very intimate thing; your urine is a part of you, it's warm and wet, it feels good to let it out, it comes from your genitals. Some get a thrill of power from having someone bound beneath them who can do nothing but take it as the shower lets loose; others get off on being made to pee, to wet their pants, it's naughty and they need to be punished for it. Safety-wise, urine is essentially sterile; it's not necessarily free of HIV, so it's not safer sex to drink someone else's urine. Also, urine contains mostly salts that your body is trying to eliminate, so drinking it again will strain your kidneys. If you're drinking urine, make sure to drink lots of water as well. Some people are into scat play, which is playing with shit. I don't know any who are, but they're out there. Scat is obviously even less safe than water sports; in particular, hepatitis and intestinal parasites can be spread by oral contact with even a tiny bit of feces. People who enjoy rimming (oral-anal contact) should be aware of this, and clean themselves VERY thoroughly at the least, although even thorough cleaning will not eliminate all risk. For more on this, see the next question. Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 10 August 1995 ======================================================================= *16. Is anal sex safe? Why do people do it?* Anal sex, practiced properly, is as safe as any other kind of sex. And people do it because it feels good--the anus can be an intensely erogenous zone. In fact, far more straight people than gay people practice anal sex! The anus contains more nerve endings than any other part of the male body, and more than any part of the female body except the clitoris. It's no wonder that anal sex is a part of many peoples' sex lives. "Anal sex" can range from simply stroking your or your partner's anus with a lubricated finger, to actually sliding some fingers inside your partner and stroking them, to full anal intercourse. All these things are physically very pleasurable, and if you simply wash your butt, there's nothing repulsive about them. The anal taboo is very old, but there is no necessary medical reason for it if you know what you're doing. If you're concerned about staying clean, by all means make sure you've gone to the bathroom before playing, and wash your ass--outside and, if you wish, inside, with an enema. If you want to feel clean in order to enjoy anal sex, it's not hard to be as clean as you want. (It is also very important, though, to use safe sex techniques, which I describe a bit further on.) The main guidelines for anal sex are Communication, Relaxation, Lubrication. You see, your anus consists of two rings of muscle, dubbed the external and internal sphincters. Your external sphincter is under your voluntary control--you can relax it at will. But your internal sphincter is _not_ under voluntary control. If you are tense, your internal sphincter will be tight, and trying to force anything into it will hurt, which will make you (and it) even _more_ tense. So the rule in anal sex is to go slowly; you can't force your way into enjoying it. Communication: talk about what you're going to do before you do it! Don't just roll your partner over and surprise them; they won't be relaxed and it won't be fun. Make sure you both are comfortable with the idea of anal play. Relaxation: listen to your body. If your ass wants to be played with, you will know; if it doesn't, don't rush anything. Lubrication: your anus doesn't lubricate, so you need to use a WATER-SOLUBLE lubricant such as KY Jelly or Probe. Use LOTS of it; it's clean! The more lube you use, the more comfortable you will be. And finally, communication again: if you haven't played with your anus before, the sensations will be intense and strange. You may feel like you are having a bowel movement when your partner slides their fingers out of you; it takes some experience to realize that this feeling is deceptive and that what you're feeling won't result in a soiled bedsheet. It's not enough to just clean your anus, though; your partner should also use a latex barrier (a glove for fingering, a dental dam or a piece of (non-microwaveable) Saran Wrap for licking, and a condom for fucking) when having sex with you. This is true in general, but especially true for anal sex; unprotected anal sex is the riskiest kind of sex with regard to transmitting STDs of any sort. Also, using protection often increases the sensation of safety and cleanliness, which helps many people relax and enjoy the experience more. (Some say that anal play isn't as risky as all that. The facts are that in some cities intestinal parasites, spread by unprotected anal sex, have been considered a serious sexually transmitted public health problem, with thousands of people infected. Decide for yourself how much risk you want to accept.) And anything that has come in contact with the anus should be cleaned thoroughly (or thrown away, in the case of latex barriers) before coming into contact with the mouth or vagina. I already mentioned that it's not a good idea to force anything. Let me be more emphatic: if you feel pain in your ass while you're having anal sex, STOP. Too-rough anal sex can stress and possibly tear the anal lining, which can lead to very serious infections. Anal sex does NOT mix with force, and should NEVER be used as a way to inflict pain. And if you find yourself bleeding from the rectum, go see a doctor IMMEDIATELY. (Don't be embarrassed--they've seen it all before... just get yourself taken care of!) That said, I need to clarify what I meant by STOP if you feel pain. That is what you should do: stop moving. The pain may just be your sphincter muscle complaining about stretching a bit, and when you stop pushing it will stop hurting--and possibly relax some more. If it doesn't stop hurting when you stop moving, THEN you want to pull out (slowly) and take appropriate action. If it does stop, wait a little, then begin again... your ass will let you know if it wants to stop altogether. (So pay attention to it! Getting drunk is NOT a good idea, as you don't want to block out any pain you may feel. The FAQ List No-Prize for Worst Sexual Product goes to an "anal lube" that contained oil (and therefore couldn't be used with gloves or condoms), AND which advertised itself as being best for anal sex BECAUSE it contained benzocaine "for greater comfort"! If anyone did hurt themselves through using it, I hope they sued the hell out of the company.) If you want more information about anal anything, see Jack Morin's book, listed at the very end of the FAQ. Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 10 August 1995 ======================================================================= *17. What is "fisting"?* Everyone (well, almost everyone) knows what finger-fucking is. Whether in ass or pussy, it's terrifically enjoyable to stroke someone inside. (Fingers up a man's ass, if aimed properly, will tickle his prostate gland, which feels AMAZINGLY good... just a little tip!) And people are generally comfortable with the idea of finger-fucking with more than one finger. But not as many people have been exposed to the idea of inserting a _whole hand_ into the ass or pussy... which is, in simplest terms, what fisting is. Yes, it's anatomically possible, and yes, it's EXTREMELY pleasurable. (I haven't experienced it, save vicariously.) That said, it's now very important to explain what fisting is _not_. You do _not_ make a fist and ram it home. Fisting is one of the most intimate and complete ways to touch another human being, and it is something that has to be worked up to slowly and gently. There have been many posts about fisting on s.s.b-b, talking about the proper technique, the safety concerns, the fantastic feeling of openness and connection, the magical plane that two people fisting can attain... it's an incredibly intense way to make love. I can't do justice to the firsthand descriptions others have written, but I can mention some of the safety concerns. First of all, cut and file all your nails until every finger is as smooth as it could _possibly_ be. Your fingers will be in some very delicate places--places that may not have pain receptors. You want to make sure you minimize all chance of causing damage. Use latex gloves. AIDS is a matter of life and death. You will probably want to clean your bottom's GI tract out. What else are enemas for? Be gentle with enemas; warm water is best. Don't use detergent in enemas. Some people enjoy putting alcohol (booze, not rubbing alcohol!) in enemas; if you do, use a VERY VERY VERY DILUTED solution, since it will get absorbed _real_ fast, and the bottom won't be able to expel it if they get too drunk. (I don't know a precise dosage, since this seems a bit too risky for me.) Use LOTS (and I mean __LOTS__) of lube. Push it in with your fingers. Make a huge mess. Get it all over your hand, the back of your hand, between your fingers. Keep applying it as you go. You can't have too much lube. Remember, oil-based lubricants dissolve latex. Some people like KY jelly; others say it dries out too quickly. In the UK, a substance called "Aqueous Cream" is the creme de la creme. Others use "J-Lube," which is a powdered concentrate that when added to water produces incredibly slippery goo; it's sold in veterinary supply houses! (Some people still use Crisco with latex gloves, on the theory that the Crisco is just the best lube, and the gloves don't break down _that_ fast. This is risky, but it's an option.) Go slowly. Start with one finger and work up. DON'T RUSH. Be sensitive to your bottom's feelings. You are trying to persuade part of their body to open for you, to admit part of you deeply inside it. The energy will move back and forth, and you'll ride it, coaxing and pushing, in and out, moving your bottom into a trance. Keep communi- cating with your bottom; gags, or role-playing where the bottom feels inferior or is told to stay quiet, are not conducive to the kind of relaxation and open empathy you'll need. If your bottom suddenly hits their limit, you'll know; their orifice will clench tight shut suddenly. DON'T PULL OUT. Stay right where you are until the contraction ends, THEN start pulling out. You can pull a muscle or two if you try to back out in the middle of a reaction like that. If this happens, it's OK; you'll know to go slower next time (if you both want to try again). But assuming all is well.... When you reach five fingers, you're almost there. Now is when you want to be most sensitive and most aware. Your bottom is going to be flying on pain and pleasure; a sudden flinch and you'll find the asshole (or whatever) doesn't want you anymore. Respect that, and pull out (slowly!). But if your bottom's bottom wants it, then you'll slip your knuckles inside, folding your thumb inside your fingers, and (so I've been told) your hand will NATURALLY form a fist--you DON'T need to clench your hand or anything else! Now the real fun begins... explore, entice, pleasure your bottom, who will be in heaven... and when it comes time to pull out, do so slowly and naturally! If you have more questions (as always), post to s.s.b-b; there have been some GREAT pieces on fisting in the past, and there will be more if you ask for them. Previous section Created 10 August 1995, last updated 12 December 1995 ======================================================================= Thanks for reading! Hope you learned something! Remember, your sexuality is wonderful; treasure it and nourish it! Created 10 August 1995, last updated 2 15 Dec 1999, and copyright {http://www.unrealities.com/adult/copyrite.htm} by Johnson Grey {johnson_grey@unrealities.com}.